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Little Glop of Horrors/Transcript
opens up showing Galaxy Hills Elementery School, then the cafeteria. Fanboy and Chum Chum, acting like monkeys, burst through the door Fanboy and Chum Chum: noises Fanboy: Monkey want pizza! Fanboy and Chum Chum: noises Chum Chum: Me want pizza also! stop and spy Kyle reading Necronomicon Fanboy: Hey Kyle, it's Pizza Day! Come play "Pizza Monkeys" with us! Kyle: so thrilled You two are..."Pizza Monkeys"? Fanboy and Chum Chum: Mm-hmm! noises Kyle: What do you do? Throw your...pooperoni? rimshot Fanboy and Chum Chum: and hug Kyle Pooperoni! Kyle: at the camera I'm witty day after day, and this is what they laugh at. goes onstage to start an assembly Hank: I -- I don't think it's on. It's -- I -- oh, I hear myself. Attention, students! After 68 years of loyal service, lunch lady Mildred has retired to her beachfront mansion in the south of France. We'll all miss her burnt fish sticks and, of course, her uncontrollable temper. Chum Chum: I'll think of her every time a stove's thrown out a window. Hank: It's time for a fresh spirit in the kitchen. And here she is now, from parts unknown, our new lunch lady...MRS. CRAM!!! curtain opens to reveal a crate. It bursts open revealing Mrs. Cram Mrs. Cram: Do you all like pizza? Kids: '''Yeah! '''Mrs. Cram: That's 'cause you haven't had MINE! Kids: dejected Awwww. Chum Chum: I want the stove thrower back. up of Fanboy's lunch tray. A blop of red glop is dropped on it. Zoom out to show F&C Fanboy: 'That -- is not pizza. '''Chum Chum: ' PIZZA MONKEY NO LIKE!!! monkey noises '''Mrs. Cram: '''This glop's whatever I say it is. Today is pizza, Tomorrow is meat larf! '''Chum Chum: My tummy's scared! Mrs. Cram: 'Oh, don't be such a baby! Because you don't like it, that doesn't mean the next guy won't? ''some glop on Hank's lunch tray '''Hank: sobs ''I can't eat that! '''Fanboy:' You know what? I don't really need lunch today. Come on, Chum Chum, I have a tube of lip balm we can split. up some mint flavored lip balm Chum Chum: sniff Mmm, medicated. Fanboy: So we'll just dispose of these. no trash can Huh? Hey, where's the trash can? Mrs. Cram: I threw it in the trash can! Chum Chum: Is that possible? Mrs. Cram: before F&C There's no more throwing food out around here!!! Understand? Fanboy: I understand perfectly. So if you could just return this to the murky swamp from whence it came... Cram glares at them. At Chum Chum Chum Chum, I think lunchtime has drawn to a close. Shall we take an early recess? and Chum Chum give her their trays head for the door, but it slams shut before they can escape. One by one, Mrs. Cram stares at each door making it shut. Hank tries to leave but bonks his nose into one of the doors Hank: Ow! My breathing holes! Mrs. Cram: No one leaves this cafeteria until they've cleaned their plates! changes to later on as we see the dejected kids staring at their glop. Nancy sticks her fork in the glop, but shrieks when it melts and withers. Michael stares at his glop and pokes it, but then it forms a finger and pokes his eye F&C, staring at their glop Chum Chum: How does she expect us to eat this? eyes start to burn It’s burning my eyes just to look at it! Kyle: over to F&C and sits down with them You public school students are so soft. Why, at Milkweed Academy, I was once forced to consume a beaver stomach tartare in a swamp bilge ragout. This'll be like a spoonful of Turkish delight. a spoonful, releasing a cloud of fart Oh, my. gags I'm going to be unwell! over Mrs. Cram: I HEAR IT COMING UP, BUT I DON'T SEE IT GOING DOWN! START SLURPING!!!! IT'LL MAKE YOU '''BIG', AND STRONG!!!!! she says this, she lifts Fanboy and Chum Chum's table and then drops it to the ground. She then leaves'' Fanboy: Maybe if we wash it down with milk? Chum Chum: Uh-uh. The milk only makes it angrier. some milk onto the glop, but that makes it roar and act like a dog Fanboy: Forget the milk. the milk carton What we need is the carton. the carton in front of him and fills it with every dish of glop Viola. That is all we have to do. on, Mrs. Cram is reading a cat magazine when Fanboy and the gang walks by. All have empty trays except Fanboy, who has the milk carton with glop in it Fanboy: Well, we're all done. We enjoyed all of it: the scooping it up, the chewing, the swallowing. Mm-mmm! Cram notices that Fanboy's milk carton is shaking Mrs. Cram: Why's your milk carton vibrating?! Fanboy: Nervously Um, it's a milkshake? Mrs. Cram: OPEN IT!!! Fanboy: Uuuuuhhhh.... the glop explodes from the carton, making a geyser of glop burst out of the roof. Everyone has glop on their heads Lupe: Maybe we shouldn't have stuffed it all in one cartons. glop gets placed onto everyone's trays again. Even glop is swept off the floor and put onto Chuggy's tray. All of the kids are dejected once more as they stare at their glop. Kyle however, has another idea Kyle: Well, the rest of you can stay and gawk at your goop. I have on my possessions, a very large compendium of spell and charms. up Necronomicon Necronomicon, I need you're help to make something disappear. Necronomicon: Ooh! walks up to Mrs. Cram and gives her his empty tray Kyle: Thanks ever so for the nummy-nummies. Now, I'm off to do some light reading whilst thy digest. Cram swipes Necronomicon Mrs. Cram: Gimme that! Doesn't feel light to me! Necronomicon Necronomicon: No! No! Don't shake me! No, no! Kyle: nervously Careful, that's a very delicate volume. Necronomicon: Oh, oh! I think I'm going to... Cram faces Necronomicon to Kyle. Cut to an extreme close-up of Necronomicon, cheeks stuffed, ready to puke. We now see an extreme close-up of Kyle's face. He has a horrified expression. Cut back to the table. The kids look on in disgust as Necronomicon pukes on Kyle. Kyle then walks back to the table, head covered in glop, angry, and holding Necromicon Necronomicon: Ohh. It appears that I have gone through my entire table of contents. kids are glumly staring at their glop once more Hank: Someone needs to go stand up to that woman. up, leaving the kids indignant Don’t look at me! She scares me! Fanboy: Look, I'm sure she's a reasonable lady. We just got to bring her to the bargaining table. the kitchen, Mrs. Cram is knitting a sweater when Fanboy pops out of one of the cooking pots Fanboy: Knitting a sweater for the grandkid? Mrs. Cram: It's for my cat! She's 55 lbs. of love! mean So, d'you finished your glop? It'll make you BIG, AND STRONG!!!! Fanboy: That's what I wanted to talk about, Mrs. Cram. May I call you Cramella? Cram has a blank face Crama-lama-ding-dong? Okay, not budging on the name. I'll cut to the cheese. We'd like to go, you'd like us to stay here till our bones crumble to dust. I think there's a middle ground. So I'm gonna write a number for how many minutes I think we should stay. Does that sound like something you'd be interested in? he says this, he picks up some paper and writes something on it. He then hands Mrs. Cram the paper Mrs. Cram: the paper ''This isn't a number, it's a W. '''Fanboy:' You drive a hard bargain! Okay, tell you what. I'll cut my offer in half the piece of paper in half from a W to just a U. Mrs. Cram: That's a V. Fanboy: the paper ''Ugh! Look, if you're not even gonna negotiate! ''in the cafeteria, the kids are staring at their glop when Fanboy comes back Fanboy: Good news! We struck a deal. We don't have to eat everything. Duke/Nancy/Michael/Cher/Chris Chuggy: Yay! Chum Chum: Yay! Fanboy: Just the food. Duke/Nancy/Michael/Cher/Chris Chuggy: groaning Chum Chum: Yay! Lupe: You have to play the hardballs with her. Kyle: It's hopeless! She's never going to open those doors. We're like a kitten stuck in a tree. Fanboy: of Mrs. Cram's cat magazine from earlier Hmm. Kyle, you just gave me an idea! I know how to get those doors open. But it's gonna take a lot guts, and a whole lot of glop. Chum Chum: Well, we've got the glop. Or is this the guts? the kids put on a convincing play while using glop as the costumes and props Kyle: stagey Oh! Someone do help! There's an adorable kitten stuck in the tree! Mrs. Cram: A kitty? Stuck? Where?! Kyle: Here. On the proscenium. whispers Curtain! curtain opens revealing a red glop tree. On the branch at the top, Chum Chum is dressed in a cat costume made out of glop Chum Chum: Meow! Mrs. Cram: gasp A poor, scared kitty!! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!! Lupe: I will call for help on my cell phone. her glop phone It is a real cell phone. the camera And not made of goop. gives her a thumbs up Hello, firemens? It is a cat. He's stuck. And he is real. hangs up. The glop fire patrol comes onto the stage. Fanboy and the other kids are wearing glop fire helmets Fanboy: Have no fear, lunch madame! We'll save the cat! the glop fire truck at the tree and sets up its ladder. He climbs up until he reaches Chum Chum Here, kitty, kitty. Nice kitty. Chum hisses OW! STOP IT, YOU CRAZY CAT! AH! him by the cape. He growls Oh, come on, you love being carried like this. him down the ladder Mrs. Cram: Oh, bless you! You saved that adorable little -''the size of him'' Wow. I thought my cat was large. Chum Chum: It's glandular. Yo: giggle Well, we'd better get him to a cat doctor for observation. Mrs. Cram: What for? Fanboy: Because he's clearly suffering from post tree-matic stress. Mrs. Cram: Hmm. Fanboy: So can you open the door so we can leave right away? Mrs. Cram: Of course! Anything to help a big round kitty. goes over to the door and slowly opens it. Overjoyed, the kids swoon and gasp. Suddenly, at the last minute, Mrs. Cram suddenly slams the door shut Mrs. Cram: Oh, no! Fanboy and Chum Chum: Yeah! to slap hands, but stop Mrs. Cram: Something's burning! we see the burning cooking pot of glop My glop's on fire! Fanboy: Man your stations! This is not a drill. Give me full pressure on the main pump! out the hose on the fire truck Yo: Fanboy, wait! We're not real-- late! Fanboy sprays glop out of the hose at the burning pot Fanboy: Take that, fire! he sprays, the fire truck melts and becomes regular glop again Fanboy: Uh-oh. Mrs. Cram: Fanboy by the neck and sees the glop messed up all over the cafeteria You little sneaks! You aren't real firemen! Fanboy: And yet I put out a fire. Kind of makes you stop questioning what's real and what isn't, huh? Mrs. Cram: No, it doesn't! Chum Chum: Not even a little? Mrs. Cram:'Quiet, tubby kitty, or I'll lock you in your litter box. ''Chum meows sadly '''Mrs. Cram: Now listen up, all of you! No one's leaving until this place is licked clean! And don't worry about soap. I put some in the glop when I ran out of paprika. Now get to lickin'! of a tongue licking some glop. Pull out to show Nancy licking and swallowing the glop. Hank is licking the glop as well Hank: It's not half bad, actually. Fanboy and Chum Chum: sigh Fanboy: She really knows how to take the fun out of licking floors. and Chum Chum go back to licking Kyle, holding his stomach and groaning. Suddenly, he begins to grow into a giant Kyle: Woah! growing and hits the celing Hello? Yo: grows Whoa! Hank: Oh, no. grows Yo: Wow! Lupe: grows Aye! by one, the kids grow. On F&C who are the last Fanboy and Chum Chum: grow Whoa! Chum Chum: What's happening to us? Mrs. Cram: You're growing! Just like I said! Aw, nobody listens anymore. Fanboy: We're big! Awesome! Hey, didn't she also say "strong"? presses the wall making it fall down. The kids run out and head home Kids: Yay! Fanboy: Thanks for the lunch, Cramalama-ding-dong. Chum Chum: See you tomorrow! go home Mrs. Cram: Hey, how am I gonna patch up this wall? Ugh, I guess I'll make some more glop. back into the school Category:Transcripts